To me, writing is one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done in my life. It’s not terrifying in the sense that a life-threatening experience is, it’s a different kind of terrifying. It’s hard to explain. I find a rare peace in writing that I find in few other places (my daughter’s smile, my husband’s arms to name examples).
This peace only lasts as long as I am actively putting words to paper. While my fingers tap away on my keyboard, the world around me disappears and I’m lost to another place and time. I’m completely at peace.
As soon as my fingers stop, the moment the spell is broken and the real world comes back to me, I’m terrified. I put my soul into my writing and I think that is why it’s so terrifying. Many may think I’m a very open person and I am when it comes to certain opinions and thoughts. My deepest thoughts and feelings, however, are very reserved. Only my husband can claim to know those secrets and, as sad as this may sound, even he has not reached all depths of the world within me.
When you put so much of such a secret part of yourself into something, showing it to anyone, even those closest to you, is horrifying. This is a delicate, fragile piece of your very own soul. What happens if they don’t like it? What happens if they rip it to shreds with their criticism? Well-meaning or not, it’s some scary stuff.
I’m not tooting my own horn, but I think writing takes bravery. It takes courage. You are faced with the choice to bare your soul to those around you and suffer the repercussions or keep your words to yourself and allow your soul to slowly die as your words deteriorate therein.
When you decide to bare your soul, you are choosing to accept the comments and views of others. Some of those views will be negative and I think as a writer, you are acutely aware of just how negative those reviews could potentially be. This is mainly because you’ve already heard the negativity in your own head. Hearing it from another place, however, is much harder. It validates the doubts you already feel.
This is what makes writing so terrifying.