“If God gives you something you can do, why in God’s name wouldn’t you do it?”
Stephen King said this in On Writing. It made me stop reading for a moment as the words sank in. Why haven’t I been doing this? I’ve known for a long time that I love writing and that I’m at the very least an OK (maybe even good) writer. I’m still honing my craft, but I know I’ve got something here. So why have I been wasting the last 7 years of my life trying to push myself into a field that is not the love of my life?
Why am I studying a field that only benefits me for a small time, but really benefits the company’s ambitions more than my own? Why didn’t I see the writing on the wall in highschool? My own writing for Pete’s sake? I wrote every day, sometimes for 8 hours straight. Why wouldn’t I pursue that? It was and still is my passion? Why did I not see it as my opportunity to love what I do for the rest of my life?
Why in God’s name did I keep writing, but not try to publish it? What was I waiting for? Sure my “novels” that I wrote in highschool were fairly terrible, but why didn’t I refine them and send them off? Why didn’t I try to publish my poems or short stories?
I’m now stuck, unable to heed Mr. King’s advice to read and write 4-6 hours a day because I’m doing schoolwork during the hours I’m not working. Doing schoolwork for a subject I’m steadily losing interest in. I still find time to read and I try to write for 30 minutes in the morning, but my God! What position have I placed myself in?
I keep telling myself only another 16 months, but that seems like an eternity right now. I’ve become so resentful toward my schoolwork. It’s keeping me away from the thing that I love. It’s hogging all my brain power for the day. It’s hindering my growth as a writer. Or are these just excuses? I don’t even know anymore.