Why Wouldn’t You Do It?

“If God gives you something you can do, why in God’s name wouldn’t you do it?”

Stephen King said this in On Writing. It made me stop reading for a moment as the words sank in. Why haven’t I been doing this? I’ve known for a long time that I love writing and that I’m at the very least an OK (maybe even good) writer. I’m still honing my craft, but I know I’ve got something here. So why have I been wasting the last 7 years of my life trying to push myself into a field that is not the love of my life?

Why am I studying a field that only benefits me for a small time, but really benefits the company’s ambitions more than my own? Why didn’t I see the writing on the wall in highschool? My own writing for Pete’s sake? I wrote every day, sometimes for 8 hours straight. Why wouldn’t I pursue that? It was and still is my passion? Why did I not see it as my opportunity to love what I do for the rest of my life?

Why in God’s name did I keep writing, but not try to publish it? What was I waiting for? Sure my “novels” that I wrote in highschool were fairly terrible, but why didn’t I refine them and send them off? Why didn’t I try to publish my poems or short stories?

I’m now stuck, unable to heed Mr. King’s advice to read and write 4-6 hours a day because I’m doing schoolwork during the hours I’m not working. Doing schoolwork for a subject I’m steadily losing interest in. I still find time to read and I try to write for 30 minutes in the morning, but my God! What position have I placed myself in? 

I keep telling myself only another 16 months, but that seems like an eternity right now. I’ve become so resentful toward my schoolwork. It’s keeping me away from the thing that I love. It’s hogging all my brain power for the day. It’s hindering my growth as a writer. Or are these just excuses? I don’t even know anymore.

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