Just Keep Writing

I feel like I’m……..

A teacher in high school once made us do a writing assignment. She told us that she didn’t care what we wrote about. She didn’t care if we repeated the same word or sentence over and over, her only rule was that for 15 minutes we had to continuously write. I don’t even remember what the goal of the assignment was. 

This came to mind just now because I’m not sure how to go on. I want to write about what I’m feeling, but I don’t even understand what I’m feeling. I feel half crazy. I have a lump in my throat and I feel like the air is thinning, but for no reason at all. I’ve gone through some pretty intense emotional, mental, and even physical trials over the last 9 days. The only problem is – I don’t know if that’s what’s causing it.

I want to talk to someone, but am not sure who to talk to. Do I spend the money to go to a therapist? Will it even help? Am I chemically imbalanced and that’s why I can’t understand my own moods.

I was angry earlier for no reason. I just felt irritation and my chest was tightening. I couldn’t explain why. Not knowing the answer to the why question is driving me nuts. I like to know how things work, what makes things function. This becomes more difficult when you don’t even understand yourself. How do I answer my husband when he asks me what’s wrong and I have no idea what’s wrong?
Well I guess the advice to just not stop writing worked.

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