Bits and Pieces

There are some memories better remembered in bits and pieces. They are the ones that created the person you are, but are also the most painful. They are quietly stored in the recesses of your mind. The back corner that you try to avoid except when needed to remind you of how far you’ve come. You bring part of them out from time to time, but never in totality. You recall a split second of that day, never the day itself.

They are living beings themselves, these moments. You’ve come to realize that’s part of why you hid them in the first place. They live of their own desires and if you kept them with the rest, you’d see their ugliness more often than you can handle. So you hide them away, hoping if they are far enough back they will stay in that corner. They will come out of their box, but only in subconsciousness or only when you want to bring them out. They will dance, but only for a second or two. 
You’re wrong though and somewhere deep you know it. They don’t stay in their own corner. They fold back the flaps covering their box. They slink out onto the floor of your mind. They tip toe out of the dark corner into the shadows of the light. You may not even notice them at first. They may stay in the shadows for days, maybe even months. Until one day… BAM! They are doing cartwheels in the sunshine of your good day.

A single sound can bring them out. A smell that you didn’t even realize you noticed. The sight of a familiar face. The taste of a certain food. You realize with horror they aren’t contained and try to shoo them back into their corner. You avoid making eye contact with them, but inevitably you see more of them than you wanted. They are laughing at you even as they crawl back into their box. You can hear their snickering as you walk back toward the light.

You tighten your jaw and bite back the tears. You try to pretend you don’t notice the heaviness of your chest or the lump in your throat. You continue with your day and no one around you has even seen that you dealt with your ghosts. You’ve learned to hide it well. They don’t understand anyway. After all, what do they now of suffering and trama? Finally, you breath a sigh of relief because you did manage to only relive bits and pieces, not the whole memory.

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