Fear and Support

I bear my soul to you. You strangers of the world. I don’t know your names (or at least not your real names) and you don’t now mine. We are connected through blogs and the feelings and opinions they express, but if we passed in the street? Would I have a moment where I realize “Her blog really inspired me” or “His blog is so real”?

Believe it or not I don’t know a single person who follows my blog. I have a link to my blog on social media, but does anyone really look at the “websites” section of your profile? I have shared maybe 2 posts at max on my Facebook when I felt the point I was trying to make was too long for a regular Facebook status.

As far as I know, my family does not read my blog. My friends do not read my blog. My co-workers definitely don’t read my blog (and I wouldn’t want them to anyway). I have the support of strangers. I know I could probably have the support of my family and friends, but fear hinders me from sharing. When I share with complete strangers I don’t have to worry about seeing you in person. I don’t have to worry about you addressing me directly about how horrible my writing is. 

I want to know if my writing is bad. I would want one of you to comment and let me know because I want to improve. But to find out I’m a terrible writer from a friend would probably break me. I would forever feel like a failure in their eyes. I would have to see my dream die. I don’t know why it wouldn’t hurt as bad coming from a stranger, but it just wouldn’t. An outside opinion is so much easier to handle.

I’ve thought many times about trying to boost my blog with some sort of social media interaction, but I’m just too insecure. My husband tells me how well I write. He’s read parts of my (still in progress) novel. He’s read the really short stories I write for my nieces and nephews and stepdaughter at Christmas time. My siblings and parents have read the books I’ve written for my “kiddos” (as I like to call them) and they all tell me I have a gift, but isn’t family supposed to tell you that?

Anyway, I haven’t written something more than a journal type of entry in a few days so maybe I’ll follow this up with something of the poem nature.

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