Suffocating

I feel like I’m suffocating.

I feel like the air has thinned.

My chest is tight.

My heart is beating against my ribs.

I can’t take this laziness.

It does something to me physically that I don’t quite understand.

I can’t catch a full breath.

I feel my hands shaking.

Rage builds inside.

Rage I try to control, but feel control is failing.

I want to explode.

I want to scream.

I hate the condescending tone he takes.

I hate the chuckle, that stupid goddamn chuckle.

I hate that he thinks he’s better than everyone.

I hate that he thinks he smarter than everyone.

I hate that he dismisses the need to actually show effort and interest.

I hate that he doesn’t have enthusiasm for anything.

I hate that he has no drive, no ambition.

How can I look up to him?

And oh does he think I do. Ha!

I don’t. I can’t.

How could I admire laziness?

How could I admire a lack of ambition and strength of character?

It’s just not in me.

I can’t respect someone who has no need to further themselves.

There is always room for improvement.

I have no desire to be around someone who chooses not to fight for their worth. 

I hate his presence.

I need to release this, but how?

How do I deal with this day in and day out?

How do you put up with something that grates against the very core of who you are?

I fume and simmer.

I feel the lava in my soul.

It’s getting hotter and hotter.

Will my volcano erupt or remain dormant?

Or will the heat suffocate, choke, and kill me?

What do you do when you can’t access your blog, but need to write to release tension… Use Post-Its of course!

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