Some days I hate everything. Some days I want to curl into a ball in the corner and do nothing. Some days I want to get in my car and drive, no stopping, no destination, just drive. Some days I feel like a failure. Some days I feel like a ghost. Some days I feel like a blob. Some days I feel like a wreck. A mangled, twisted car. A mangled twisted car that is unforgiving. I feel like my life is stuck in that car. I can’t feel it. I’m freaked out, but no one else notices. I hold it together, but inside I’m screaming. Some days I’m still in that car. Some days I’m right back there. Everything is so vivid. Some days I ache all over. Some days it hurts to breathe. Most of the time no one understands. Why didn’t I get help? Why didn’t I yell and scream? Why don’t I get help? Why can’t I yell and scream? I want to punch someone. I want to scream in frustration. I want to curse that day. I want someone to understand. Why does it still hurt? Why does it still feel fresh? Why can the memories still take my breath away? I’ve had a bad enough day without thinking about that. Why did my mind go there? I wasn’t even thinking about that? The sirens… His crying. Oh God, his crying! His red face, her gray face. That moan… Her unconscious moan.
I want to disappear today. I want to just…poof… gone… Just go. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I’m this way. Someone help me! Someone explain this to me! Someone wake me up! Someone please help me!