I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a stepmother. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an aunt. I am a woman.
I work full-time. I go to school full-time. I don’t make dinner every night. I don’t keep my house “spic and span”.
I don’t want kids of my own. My husband doesn’t tell me what to do. I play video games for more than 8 hours straight. I mow the grass while my husband does the dishes. I change my own oil. I pump my own gas. I am still a woman.
At this period in my marriage I make the most money. This doesn’t emasculate my husband. He is going to school and that is our priority – not who brings home the bread. I love working. I love working in a field in which I am the minority. I have discovered Information Technology is mainly a man’s field and that doesn’t intimidate me. I am not a bad wife because some nights I work late and don’t get as much time with my husband. I am not a bad wife because my career sometimes interferes with making dinner.
I wanted to further my career, the opportunity came up, I am now a full-time student on top of working full-time. Will this take some time away from my husband every now and then? Of course! Will I have to tell him that I need to study and he will need to make his own dinner some nights? Absolutely. Does that make me a bad wife? Fuck no. That makes me a successful student and a proud woman.
Some nights I don’t feel like cooking. My husband doesn’t think less of me because he has to make his own meal from time to time. In fact, there have been times I come home to the smell of food already cooking, a bottle of vodka (don’t worry I mix it with pop), and a directive to go kill as many Super Mutants as I can. He is not less of a man for not attempting to put me in my place as a woman and telling me to make his dinner. (Pay attention to the fact I used the phrase “attempting to” because that shit wouldn’t fly).
I MAY clean my house on a Sunday or Saturday morning. Sometimes I don’t clean it until the 30 minutes before someone comes over. My house is never spotless. This doesn’t make me less of a woman. This shows I am busy and choose to spend my free time doing things I enjoy instead of trying to live up to standards that were set for woman thousands of years ago.
I am not less of a woman because I don’t want to bear children. I am not selfish because I don’t want kids. Making the choice to not have children is a personal decision. Making the choice to have a kid because it’s expected of you is asinine. Saying I don’t want the responsibility and the headache that accompanies the “miracle of childbirth” does not make me immature. I am making a calculated, thoughtful decision to not have a child that I could potentially resent and THAT is responsible and mature. (By the way, it’s OK to say you’d resent having a kid – when you have a kid and you resent that choice it’s written all over your face no matter how much you love them).
I don’t do everything my husband tells me to do. If I don’t agree with a decision he’s making I let him know. I am not submissive. I don’t go along with everything he says. I don’t care what you’ve been taught, that’s not what a wife is supposed to do. A husband and wife are supposed to make each other stronger, but how can you make your husband stronger if you never challenge anything he says or does? His word is not the final word and I won’t apologize for that or compromise myself because that’s what the Bible or any other person says is supposed to happen. Now if he makes a good case for something I disagree with and I see the logic he is making in his decision, then yes, I will concede. But ONLY once I’ve seen the logic behind it.
I don’t sit prim and proper all the time. I play video games for hours at a time while my dishes pile up without shame. I mow the yard because I love being outside. I know that’s typically a man’s job, but why should my husband have to do something that causes him an allergic reaction when I can be out there doing what I love to do? I change my own oil and do my own tune-up. Why should that be a surprise? Why should people be shocked when a woman can do her own mechanical work?
I will not apologize for anything in this post. No one will make me feel like less of a woman or wife for the things I’ve said and the things I do. I am strong. I am independent. I don’t need a book or person to tell me how to be the best woman and wife I can be. I am a woman and no one can take that away from me based on standards that were made to keep women from realizing their full potential. I am not weaker than a man. I am not less intelligent. I belong in the workforce in the same position as any man, including management and ownership positions. I deserve as much money as a man would make. I work just as hard and just as long. I have a voice. I have strength. I am a woman.