She’s Already Won

My heart pounds in my chest.
My breath catches in my throat.
My words hitch on the tip of my tongue.
I want to call down.
I want to breath easy.
I want to say so much.
I stay silent.
I don’t utter a word.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to break something.
Tears don’t come.
My vocal chords don’t strain.
Everything stays in tact.
I cope.
I cope because that’s all I can do.
I keep it inside.
I don’t tell a soul.
I let them believe I’m strong.
I let them believe I’m brave.
“Conceal, don’t feel.” What powerful words.
My emotions are makeup.
All glitz and glamour.
I smile in the face of adversity.
“I laugh in the face of danger”.
I feel she will win.
Who am I kidding?
She already has.

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