A Wonderful Day

Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a very long time. I’ve spent most of the past year stressed, worried, and worn out. Between an increased work load at my job, taking a few college courses, studying for a certification exam, just barely having enough to pay our bills and rarely getting to see my husband because our schedules haven’t been lining up, I’ve been just plain unhappy lately.
It really began Wednesday. I crossed off several major things on my list and was able to cut my workload down significantly. Because of my efforts and hard work of late I was allowed to leave early. I came home and allowed myself to relax by playing Far Cry 4. My husband has been telling me it’s like Skyrim, but with guns, so I thought I’d give it a shot. It is a really fun game.
He got home shortly thereafter from shopping for his ingredients to make sweet potato pie for our family dinners. When I offered to help him, he refused and told me I need to chill (his way of encouraging me to relax and have some me time). So I played the game until dinner time and then since he was baking I just went and grabbed some burgers and fries. When I came back we sat and watched The Walking Dead together, after which I went back to playing Far Cry and he went back to baking.
Once he had finished two of his pies we both were tired and went to bed at the same time. This is significant because it never happens, ever. So all in all Wednesday was a good day.

Thursday was even better. I woke up earlier than I needed to, but I had my 8 hours of sleep so I got up and played… you guessed it…Far Cry.
To my surprise, my husband was up within an hour or so of that. So he sat with me and we talked while I played. It was such a relaxing morning.
We got to my parents a little early so my husband could finish his pies (guess I should have mentioned our oven isn’t the greatest so he decided to finish them there since they have 2 and only needed to use 1). We live about 50 minutes from my parent’s so when he said he had forgotten the pie crusts in the freezer at home, I had to run to the store to get more. Thankfully I was there and back within less than 30 minutes.
When I got back he asked me to go pick up my stepdaughter. Although I didn’t show it to him, this raised a bit of panic in me. I instantly got a headache and my stomach was in knots. That drive was the most and only stressful 30 minutes of my day. His ex-wife is… I’ll just say…not the easiest person to deal with, but he was busy baking and I was anxious to see my stepdaughter. As soon as she was in the car and we were driving back my anxiety disappeared because, let’s face it, when you have a stepdaughter like mine, there’s no way you can’t be happy around her. We talked the whole way back and she lit up my day.
We enjoyed dinner and even a few games with my family before heading out to see my husband’s family. These aren’t the typical in-laws. Most people dread seeing their in-laws, not me. I love them! They are just the sweetest, most loving family I’ve ever met. If I had tried, I couldn’t have found a better family to marry into. I have a bit of a cold and one of his aunts noticed, so she stocked me up with tea to help – as an example.
After dropping our daughter (I’m just going to call her that from now on) off, we talked the whole way home.
We decided to do a little black Thursday shopping because one of the topics on the ride home was that I don’t spend money on stuff I want, like new Tupperware. Ours is old and pitted and stained and definitely needs an update, but I kept telling myself we can survive without new Tupperware.
So we bought 3 new 26-piece sets for under $20 all together. While we were shopping for that we played a little game of how many people will my husband see that he knows. His goal was 20 and to my surprise he reached it. I saw 3 people from work which I thought was an accomplishment since I don’t work with anyone that lives around here. We were able to get the entire Alien collection on blu-ray (including Prometheus in 3D) for under $50. We finished out our shopping by getting our friend the 3 most recent seasons of Supernatural (which she loves and already has the first 6) for a ridiculously good price (as get Christmas gift).
We then went home, ate dinner and started watching Back to the Future 2 (which I’ve never seen), but midway through I was sleepy and went to bed.

I know this is a super long post and most people probably won’t even read all of it, but I had to get it down. I am so filled with joy and contentment. I wish every day could be as wonderful as yesterday, but it can’t, so I am relishing in the moment. Days like that make all the other shitty days worth it.

Lost in Paradise

Finding the perfect anniversary card can be tough, even tougher when you’re so in love that nothing seems to express it the way you feel it. Finding the perfect bottle of wine to go with an anniversary dinner isn’t quite as tough, but still, you want to find just the right flavor to compliment the meal.
Mina tucks the lose curls of her auburn hair behind her ear as she leans down to look through cards. A soft smile on her lips as her thoughts flip through the 10 years she and her husband have spent together.

Lucian pins her against the hall wall, shaking a few of the frames that hold the wedding photos. Her brown curls falling loosely around her face, the smell of their strands engulfing his senses. He slides his hands gently the length of her arms as he presses them above her head. She bites her bottom lip in anticipation as he leans in and presses his lips hard against her neck.
He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her body against his, guiding them toward the bedroom as their mouths find each other. They reach the bed and she throws his body down on it. Before she has a chance to take control he grabs her hips and rolls her onto her back, pulling her shirt off and kissing her soft skin.

Mina has a hard time containing her smile even as the rain drops onto her windshield. Even as the gray sky darkens her physical day, her emotional day continues in sunshine. She thinks about how much time and emotion she’s put into this relationship, how much he’s put into it. All the gifts he’s given, the romantic dinners, his sweet smile.

As the white sheets rustle around their naked bodies he touches a finger to the necklace he gave her before running his fingers through her curls. Her smile warms his face and he feels a small pang of guilt before he drives himself deeper.
She gasps and grips his shoulders, tightening her jaw before letting out a slight giggle of enjoyment. Her smile is contagious and he can’t help but smile too.

Mina pulls into the driveway and the dark of the rain starts to creep into her sunny world. He’s not supposed to be home yet, he’ll ruin the surprise. What causes even more confusion is the second car in the drive.
She flips open her umbrella and make her way to the door. After already fumbling with her keys she sees the door is not completely closed. Slowly, carefully she pushes it open. She sets her umbrella quietly on the floor.
There is a noise from upstairs. Holding the card and wine in her hand she ascends the white carpeted stairs, not caring that her shoes are leaving a trail behind her. Doesn’t care that the hardwood of the hallway could stain.

Lucian is losing himself to this beautiful woman. Her body is soft and warm. Her smile so inviting. They move in perfect rhythm. She makes him feel alive. The door creaks drawing both their eyes as their breath catches in unison.

Her hand loses its grip and as the bottle breaks against the wooden hallway floor it spills across the white carpet in the bedroom, splattering as if her heart has exploded from her chest.
Her name is barely an echo on his breath as she turns and runs back down the stairs. Tears start to blur her vision as she steps into the rain, becoming soaked through in the run from the front door to the car.
She slams the car in reverse and backs out without looking, nearly hitting a car whose breaks squeal as they lock up the tires. As she throws the car into drive and begins to pull away she catches a glimpse of him on the front lawn in just his boxers.

His mind is racing. He can’t lose her. He can’t lose this beautiful woman who has done nothing but loved him. What has he done? He watches his Mina pull away with spinning tires. Her hand touches his shoulder and he spins away from it, running back into the house and grabbing his phone off the counter.
He has to apologize. He has to tell her he’s made a mistake. He loves her. Tears burn his eyes and he brushes them away. He doesn’t deserve to hurt.

The rain seeps into her pores, into her bones, pouring its gray gloom into her soul. Tears slide down her cheek uninhibited. Her chest is tightening and her body aches.
How could she have been so blind? Hadn’t the signs been there? He’s been disinterested lately, stopped talking about his day, stopping asking about hers.
Her phone rings, his smiling face shows on the screen and her heart breaks more. She stares at the screen trying to decide what to do. She flicks her finger across the screen, ignoring the call. As she raises her eyes back to the road she hears the horns, sees the red a little too late.
The headlights of the truck catch in her eyes before it’s metal against metal. Things are blurry as she comes in and out. The sound of people mumbling and sirens in the distance. The gray sky before the ceiling of the ambulance and then nothing, black.

Lucian runs through the first set of double doors into the hospital, then the second set and into the room where her body lay in the midst of doctors and nurses. He yells her name as a nurse stops him from running up to the table. The doctors are cutting her clothes from her motionless body. He tells her name again, she had to know he’s there, that he still loves her. The nurse pushes him back and closes the door to the room as the monitor displays a flat green line.
His heart is being ripped from his body, tears burn hot against his cheeks. He watches the doctors try to bring her back. They fight to bring her heart back into rhythm. He turns away, unable to watch the love of his life leave this world because of a mistake he made. He slides down against the door, his head falling into his hands. Sobs rack his body, his shoulders shaking as he collapses against the floor.
If only he had loved her the way she had loved him.

This is inspired by the song “Lost in Paradise” by Evanescence. This is the first song that has actually created a story for me. It began as a vague betrayal and slowly turned into a deep story for me. Not sure why this song did it for me, but if they were to every come out with a music video for the song, I hope I won’t be disappointed since I have such a vivid picture in my head. 🙂

Cold and Hungry

White flakes flutter to the ground, slow, steady.
The air is crisp, the wind is silent
The sun has not risen, but the blue light of morning if growing brighter
Dead branches make no move in the bitter cold
My breath creates small clouds as it exits my body
My fingers are going numb, even beneath the wool lined leather gloves
My nose and cheeks are red, my eyes bloodshot
The muscles of my legs are tightening, ready to launch
My stomach growls loudly, craving what I have not had in days
I hold a makeshift spear in my right hand, branch and sharpened stone
My left is wrapped around a small pocket knife that has only ever been used to open packages or cut string
Snow crinkles to my right and I wait
She doesn’t know I exist
She walks delicately through the white
Checking the ground, looking left to right and back again, always watchful
She keeps moving closer
She’s less than ten feet away
As she leans down, I make my move
My spear catches her in the neck
I’m on her before she can even understand what has happened
She instinctively tries to run
I throw my tired body on top of her and start to jab her neck with my knife
She falls hard on the ground
Before she has a chance to fight back I run my knife the length of her neck
Even I am surprised by its sharpness
She lay whining, legs twitching, still trying to get up
I see the suffering in her eyes and I almost regret what I’ve done
Those eyes stare at me, filled with fear, asking me to save her
My stomach growls and I know there was no other way
I must survive
That is what I do
I step back and wait
Slowly her whining gets softer
Her legs can’t find the strength to move
Everything is back to silence
I survey my kill
Red is splattered along the white
It leads a trail to a dark pool beneath her head and neck
She has plenty of meat
I’ve done well for myself
My stomach growls again, as if in agreeance and anticipation
I grab her legs and drag her back to my cave
Yes, tonight I will not be cold or hungry

Encouraged by a 12 year old

I’ve mentioned my niece a couple times before. She’s 12 years old going on 20. She’s always tried to grow up faster than necessary. This is partially because her mom wasn’t the typical soccer mom or, I’m just going to say it – responsible mom, so while my brother was at work, my niece basically took care of herself and sometimes even her brother.
She has a great the size of Alaska, but that also means that she gets very emotional. She was 6 when my (now) stepdaughter started coming around and so naturally my attention was diverted to this new little girl who would steal my heart within a few short months. I had to have quite a few heart to hearts with my niece explaining I didn’t love her less, but that my stepdaughter would always get a bit more attention from me because she was becoming my daughter and therefore I would treat her like my own child versus my sibling’s child. I would love my niece the same, but yes, some of the attention would be moved from her to my stepdaughter.
I began writing a story quite awhile ago, two years ago actually. At first it was just my husband who I allowed to read it. I’m very insecure about my work and this book is different from what I normally write. I have more of my heart in this one and I’m trying really hard to think it through and not just slap words together and within a couple months be done with it.
I finally decided to let my niece read it. I wanted another point of view on it, plus I thought this could be something special we share. She read everything I had and then began asking me every time she saw me if I’d written more. “Did you write any more of your book? When are you going to write more in your book?” It was pretty clear she looked it so far.
In the last couple months I have been stumped. I thought I was getting close to the end, but it just didn’t feel right. The way I was ending it just didn’t sit right with me. I’ve been agonizing over it and trying to figure out how to improve it.
This weekend she asked me again if I’d written any more and I said I haven’t in awhile, but after a little discussion I found out she hadn’t read the two most recent chapters. So I handed it to her and she read through it immediately.
I asked her opinion about a couple choices I had made that I was uneasy about and she told me not to change them, she liked it the way it was.
Then we talked about the ending and I’m so glad we did. She broke my writer’s block! She had a brilliant idea that won’t end my book, but will actually add a few more chapters which is what I wanted. I wasn’t comfortable ending it so soon and she gave me just the right idea for making it may a bit longer.
I wrote all this to say that it amazes me sometimes the places inspiration can come from. I had started out writing this book for adults, but I think I am switching to the young adult audience.
Once I’ve completed it, I’m hoping to have it be the first book I publish. I don’t even care if it’s well received, I just want too actually get something published. Something I’m proud of, something that’s all mine.

OK so truthfully I feel like this post was a bit of rambling, but whatever, this is what I need to do sometimes and you can take it or leave it. 🙂