Gray Eyes – Reader Feedback Please

Reader Feedback Requested!

This is a bit of a short story I am going to be writing. I don’t have time to sit and write the whole thing out, but it’s an idea I’ve had for a while and want to see what kind of response I get in order to decide if I should keep it going or not. So I figured I will start writing snip-its of it at least once a week (depending on my readers’ feedback) until I’ve finished it (or realized no one is interested).

I’m going to add a “Poll” to this, so please use it or comment or just “like” the post. If you don’t like it please do the same. I want honest opinions. Thanks! Hope you enjoy!


Gray eyes slowly blink open trying to clear the blurry images. Everything is quiet, so quiet. His hands look different somehow, like they aren’t his. His head feels heavy as he tries to lift it. His eyes start to focus and a rush of noise blasts his ears. People are talking, but he can’t distinguish the words. Steam is coming from somewhere and there’s a ringing in his ears now. “What’s your name?” He looks down at his legs and even though he tells them to move, they don’t budge. Maybe he could just…”Sir? Your name? What’s your name?” Someone is shouting in his ear. “Sir, can you hear me?” He nods his head. “It’s Alex.” He says as he tries again to move his legs. His voice doesn’t sound like his own, it’s too raspy. “Alex, do you know what happened?”

This couldn’t be possible. They had made it. He had seen the other side of the road. He looks at the seat in front of him. Maybe if he pushed the seat off his legs, then they would move. He looks at Rebecca’s motionless body, her head resting against …well nothing. The window that her head should have been pressed against was gone. “Alex, I called an ambulance. They should be here any minute.” The sun visor of the passenger seat was flipped down and in it he saw the graying face of his best friend. Jeremy moaned and a small drop of yellow liquid dripped down his chin. “My legs.” As he looked down at his legs again, seeing the door pushed in against them and the seat pressed back further than it was, what he felt to be, a minute ago, he started to realize why they wouldn’t move. “I can’t feel my legs!”

He heard sirens in the distance and looked into the stranger’s face next to him. “I can’t feel my legs!” Within 5 seconds’ time, lines from every medical show he’d ever watched and words from every survival guide he’d ever read flew through his mind at once. “We have to unpin my legs!” The thought of never walking sent a terrifying shiver through to his core. At that moment everything else faded. At that moment all he could think about was the loss of his legs. The thought of sitting in a wheel chair for the rest of his life. Thoughts of never playing football on Thanksgiving day with his family. Thoughts of never running after his nieces and nephews. Terror would be considered a soft term for what he truly felt. Naively he still thought that if they just moved the seat and pulled the door back, he’d be able to just get right up and walk away. Jeremy moaned again and, although he didn’t think Jeremy could even here him, he still squeezed his shoulder. “Everything will be OK.”

The sirens grew louder and then stopped as the paramedics jumped out of the bus and came running toward the car.



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