This will be unlike my usual posts. This is a rant. This is me venting about the way life works for those of us still working our way to the top.
Today I want things to work smoothly. Today I want to be able to plan on doing something and not have something else stop me from doing it. Today I just wanted to get my garage cleaned and sorted.
We were on a roll, things were moving smoothly. Everything was cleared out of the garage. We were sweeping and prepping the concrete floor for cleaners. We glanced in the crawl space under our house and find it a foot deep in water. We’ve had a lot of rain lately, but apparently any drain that may be under there is not working.
So we find we can rent a pump for $25. My husband hops in the car to get it while I keep sweeping and getting the cleaners ready to be poured. Just a minor set back, nothing we can’t handle in a couple hours’ time.
I’m done pouring cleaner on the back half of the garage floor when I get a call from my husband. “Bring your set of keys, mine won’t start the car” he tells me. I get in his car and meet him at the store. Mine refuse to turn the ignition as well. The steering column is completely locked. The ignition won’t turn, the wheel won’t turn, the gear shift won’t budge. What happened? It was working fine.
We fiddle with it for 30 minutes before finally calling roadside assistance. So now we are really set back. Since we only have the pump for a few hours he heads back to the house to get that going while I wait for the tow truck. It’s hot, humid, and not how I wanted to spend my day.
This is how things always seem to go for us. We make plans to get something done and in some way or another we are interrupted by another more pressing problem. A problem that often costs money we really don’t have but are forced to spend. Thankfully the roadside assistance is covered, but the parts are not.
I am so frustrated with these curve balls life always throws our way. I want things to go the way we plan. I want to make plans and be able to stick to them. I want to be able to save money instead of constantly spending it on repairs.
Today I want a break from the shitty, constant changes life gives us.
It’s a warm August morning. The sun is passing over the horizon, turning the purple haze to a soft blue. Its rays peek through our curtains and a soft breeze brushes the light fabric.
In a few minutes I will set my feet on the hardwood floor and begin preparation for another day, but for right now I let my body stay wrapped in the cotton sheets. The smooth linen strokes my aging skin as I watch his chest rise and fall, listening to his not so soft snore.
I study his face, just like I have every morning I’ve woke next to him. The texture of his skin is embedded in my mind for all eternity. The features of his handsome face etched in the stone tablets of my memory.
As I turn and let my toes touch the cold wood I glance at the first photo we took together, now over 20 years old. Making my way through the dimly lit hallway I take a second to peek through the crack of her door, stealing a quick look to see her sleeping just as soundly as her father. I continue my journey through the living room.
The photos on the wall tell the story of a family. Two people sharing moments against various backdrops. A man in cap and gown, graduating from med school. A woman holding her first published book. A little girl growing from toddler to teenager to adult.
I make my way to the garage door, a ritual I complete at least once a week. I open the garage door and peer past my everyday car to my baby. I’ve poured my sweat and blood (literally) into her. Her black coat shines in the morning light coming through the east facing windows. I step up to her and run my fingers along her curves and edges. She’s definitely real, definitely not a dream. Once I’ve confirmed this, I half walk, half skip back inside.
I make my single cup of coffee and start pulling the breakfast ingredients out of the fridge. Bacon, eggs, and sausage sound pretty good today.
Write, write, write
Write I must
Write I will
Read, read, read,
So many books
So many authors
Words, words, words
They are everywhere
They are everything
Write, read, words
Will you ever bore?
Will you ever cease?
Words, read, write
What order do I choose?
What lesson do you teach?
Read, write, words
Pen on paper
Characters on a screen
Words, write, read
So much to learn
So much to capture
Words, of you I will always crave more
To read, of this I will always seek anew
To write, oh, but to write,
Of this I will never tire!
It’s a small thing really. Something one can often take for granted. Something I may do daily, but it means more one day then it did the day before. It’s like taking a cold drink on a hot day when the day before a cold drink may not have meant anything.
The day was long. I had left the house at 6am and walked through the front door 12 hours later exhausted. My body felt weak, my mind dull and aching. I could barely concentrate enough to change out of my restricting and uncomfortable work clothes.
I sat down in the love seat, my knees bent and my legs tucked under me. His arm moved out of instinct and pulled me close against him. I let my head fall against his chest and burrowed my body against his. Slowly I felt the baggage of the day loosening, I was shedding a layer of worry and tension.
There in his arms was my comfort, my haven. Nothing else about the day mattered. I was where I belonged. That was the only truely memorable moment of my day. Everything else was a blur of mayhem and congestion, but that moment, the moment my tired body folded against his strong frame, that was a moment defined by peace and serenity. The rest of the night doesn’t stand out the way that one moment protrudes in the depths of my memories. The moment I was separated from the chaos of the day and drawn into the quiet of the night was what made my day special.
I have been working a lot of over time and going constantly it seems, so my goal for next month is to take some time for me and just relax.
New York City, I was with my parents and aunt & uncle. We stayed in a hotel just outside the city. We took the double decker bus on a tour around the city and a bit of Brooklyn. We went on a boat around Ellis Island, although we didn’t actually stop on the island. While my parents climbed the Empire State Building, I hung out with Mary & Jack exploring the huge Macy’s store. After which we stopped to get some ice cream. This was special because prior to Uncle Jack meeting Mary he would take my older siblings out for ice cream. I was still too young to go and before I had the chance to enjoy the fun of tagging along, Uncle Jack was married and those trips stopped. So they decided to buy me ice cream to make up for it. It was a bit of a joke between our families. I don’t want it to sound like Aunt Mary took him away from us, because she didn’t. In fact, she was a welcome add on to the family. He just stopped being the bachelor he had been before her.
We walked around Central Park, ate at a few local and delicious restaurants, watched street performers and visited Times Square. It was the most fun I had ever had without having other kids around.
I give up… I have been trying to come up with something and I can’t seem to think of anything. I know there are things other people have done that I have not, but to say most people have done something, that’s a different story. I’ve never gotten a tattoo. I’ve never been pregnant. But have the majority of people done those two things?
I’ve got it! It just came to me. Most people have kissed more than 1 person, I have not. I’m not talking about on the cheek or the little kisses you give a family member or friend. When I say that I’ve never kissed more than 1 person, I am talking about romantic kisses. I’ve only had one boyfriend in my life, the man who is now my husband. He is also the only person I have ever kissed.
I made the decision when I was very young that I didn’t want to go through the heartache of break ups and this caused me to be very cautious in my selection of who I allowed close to me. No one was persistent enough to win me over except him. This meant, and this may sound a little conceited, no one was worthy of feeling my lips. Kissing, and every other type of touching that comes with it, was a very intimate thing for me.
I knew that I am a very sentimental person and the person who won my first kiss would be in my heart forever, someone I couldn’t let go. This knowledge made me hold onto my first kiss like it was a treasure no one could take without holding the key to my heart.
It was worth the wait. I was relaxing on his couch and he was playing different music, giving me a lesson on good music is what he said. A soothing ballad came on and he asked me to sit with him. As I lay with my back against his chest and my head resting on his shoulder, he slowly ran his fingers along the curve of my neck. Gently he turned my face to his and I let myself get lost in the moment. I felt I could trust him, I knew this wasn’t a fling. I knew he wanted more than to use me. My first kiss was magical and I don’t regret my choice to let him be my one and only.
I know I’m a little behind on this writing challenge, but the last few days have been really hectic. Friday I went pretty much straight from work to a friend’s house for her birthday. Saturday I worked on my car and then went to my cousin’s open house all day. Sunday we were at my parents all day for a little get together and finally yesterday, besides getting things done at work, I was dealing with an ex-wife issue that took up the majority of my time.
I’m not even sure I’m really disappointing anyone but myself by not keeping up, but I still thought that if anyone was wondering I would let you know why I have been lagging.
Hopefully today I can get caught up!
Robin is in her late 50’s now. She married young, like most Amish girls. She was my aunt, but in my eyes, he was never my uncle. He was just a creepy old man that I preferred to stay away from. She put up with his piggish ways for a long time. She was never able to have kids of her own, but they adopted 3 little boys. She raised them while her husband worked.
I’m not sure of all the reasons she left him, but some time ago she must have decided she’d had enough. They separated.
Having split from her husband and seeing a need to provide for herself she decided to go back to school. She had been raised Amish and so had only finished the 8th grade before being pulled out of school. In her later years she did get her GED. While raising 2 boys (the oldest had stayed with her husband), she went to school full-time as well as held a part-time job.
She recently graduated at the top of her class and is planning on continuing in graduate school to become a nurse practioner.
Most people her age would have made excuses, saying they’re too old, the kids keep them too busy, or any number of other excuses one can think of. But she didn’t. She made no excuses. She’ll admit she was intimidated and sometimes wondered why she is doing this at her age, but she has never given up.
She is proof that if you set your mind to something, you can overcome any obstacles and achieve your goals.
1. My marriage – there is no way this couldn’t be number one. This is the one thing that I hope to be my constant. I’ll always have a passion and fire in my heart for the man I love and the commitment I made to him. He’s there when everything else fades away. I’d give up anything and do anything to keep this relationship in tact. I’d fight anyone and anything that tries to come between us.
2. My family – you can say anything you want about me and I’ll most likely let it go in one ear and out the other, but day something bad about my family and you will instantly be on my bad side. We may not be perfect, but we stick together and that’s what really matters.
3. Friends – I am extremely loyal and, once you earn it, trusting. If a friend is in need, I’m there to help as much as I can.
4. Writing – I could write all day every day. It’s an outlet, an escape, a release. When I’m frustrated I write. When I’m happy I write. When I’m sad I write. It gets me through any emotion I may be feeling.
5. My work – this doesn’t necessarily apply to just my career. It applies to anything I put my hands to work on. I take great pride in my work and any accomplishments that come out of it. I work hard and enjoy seeing the fruits of my labor.